Midnight Discoveries
by DireSphinx
Summary: It was a typical night, nothing particularly interesting or memorable about it, except for the cricketbats. If that wasn't the understatement of the year...


Thank you for coming to read one of my works. If you are one of my Labyrinth readers, forgive me! I'll work on my other stories there soon! But inspiration struck, and wouldn't leave me alone!

If you are not a Labyrinth fan, ignore the sentence above.

CantHelpThisSmile, this is for you. Thank you for yielding to my requests. I can't believe this turned out so long... Do I get props for this?

And really, if I owned Avatar: the Last Airbender, do you honestly think Suki would still be in the picture?

* * *

Today just had to be one of those days.

Oh sure, nothing too terribly bad happened. I only nearly drowned, got covered with mud, stubbed my toe (_how the heck?_), and fell flat on my face in front of the one person who would have no qualms with laughing in my face. Until I hit him with a boulder to the stomach. Then he shut up pretty fast. (_Note the sarcasm_) Really, it's nothing at all.

But could someone please tell these cricketbats to can it! Seriously, can't the World's Greatest Earthbender get some sleep? It's not like I'm asking for Azula to turn into a pious nun or anything and frolic along with the woodland critters. Though that would be disturbing as all get-out. In fact, let's just forget I came up with that mental picture. I'd settle for Zuko learning how to make a decent cup of tea. Sparky is positively hopeless in that matter. You think Iroh would have taught him that, if anything. But no, he has to be all emo angst and blind ambition.

Sometimes, I swear, the gods hate me.

I can just imagine it now, the gods sitting upon their clouds, or whatever they sit on in the Spirit Realm. (_Hey, I've never been there, so I have no idea. Personally, I'd be sitting on a badass boulder looming over them all daring them to reproach me. Yeah, that would totally rock._) But whatever they're sitting on, they'd be looking down on the mortal world, mocking our human plight, calling us stupid, and then they'd see me. Here's how the conversation would flow:

**God Number One:** _Oh look at those puny humans, still at war? Hmph, it's a wonder they haven't wiped themselves out of existence yet._

**God Number Two:** _I know! With all this violence and bloodshed, there should be no one left! Perhaps they're too stupid to die?_

**God Number One:** _Yes, my point exactly! These humans just have no brai… - wait a minute, is that Toph?_

**God Number Three:** _You mean Toph Bei Fong?_

**God Number One:** _Yeah, I think it's her. And she's…happy?_

**Gods Numbers Two through Five:** _What!?_

**God Number Three:** _Are you kidding me? Where?_

**God Number Four:** _Ah, there she is! And you're right, she is happy._

**God Number Five:** _What the hell? Didn't she learn her lesson? I thought we made her blind to discourage any joy in her life._

**God Number Two**_**:** I know! What the hell can she be happy about?_

**God Number Four:** _Well, it seems that watertribe brat paid her a compliment._

**God Number One**_**:** All right, who wants to rain on her parade this time?_

**Gods Numbers Three, Four, and Five:** _Ooh, me, me!_ (_Look at each other_)

**God Number Three:** _ Rock, paper, scissors?_

**Gods Numbers Four and Five:** _Rock, paper, scissors._

See how much they despise me?

So here I am, lying awake in my earth tent, listening to the insufferable chirping of the most annoying creatures in existence. And no, I'm not talking about Snozzle's snores. Though they rank a close second. It's these damn cricketbats, and I can't make them shut the hell up! I'm this close to throwing down this earth tent and screaming out for the entire world to hear, "SHUT UP! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE!" But I don't, and for one simple reason.

Katara.

Have you ever had to face a fully grown saber-tooth moose lion at the end of a sheer canyon with no way out, who hasn't had a good meal for three weeks and you're the only thing in sight? Not to mention the fact that the only weapon you have on you is a measly toothpick? Yeah, me neither. But that's the only thing I can think of to compare Katara to without her beauty sleep. You do not; I repeat Do Not, wake up Katara in the middle of the night for any reason other than imminent death. Or else you will suffer a wrath that makes the Fire Nation look like a bunch of pansies. Which they are, mind you, but you get the idea.

So okay, looks like I'm in for another sleepless night. Joy. But this doesn't mean I have to suffer alone. Snozzles did laugh at me today. Why should I be the only one to enjoy this simply wondrous cacophony of sound around me? Here Snozzles, Snozzles, Snozzles…

And with that happy thought, the World's Greatest Earthbender, the Blind Bandit, the world's one and only metalbender, Toph Bei Fong quietly shunted down her earth tent and stepped out into the night. With a reflex that was more like instinct, she felt for the vibrations in the earth to locate her prey, aka one Sokka of the Water Tribe. But surprisingly, he was not within his sleeping bag, or the local vicinity.

_Huh, no wonder it was the cricketbats getting on my nerves. Snozzles snores aren't here to drown them out. I wonder what he's up to at this time of night?_ And without further ado, Toph reached out with her earthbending skills-

WHACK!!

-only to have something wet and sticky smack her right across the face. The plop this pulpy mess made as it slid down her nose and off her face echoed in the absolute silence, and the only thing running through Toph's mind was, "Oh, _now_ the cricketbats shut up."

It took a little while, quite understandably, for Toph's mind to restart. Standing alone in the middle of the night in the campsite, dead of night, most of the world asleep, and the first thing that happens is getting hit by a piece of raw meat – yeah, that just doesn't happen. Common sense says no, and Toph has always been a sensible (_at least in her mind_) person. When rationale finally kicked into gear, anger was the first to cloud her mind.

"Oh Sokka, you are so going to get it!" Toph muttered under her breath. _(Katara was still asleep after all_) For it could only be Sokka. Who else would have meat around? _But I wonder why it wasn't cooked? As far as I know, Snoozles isn't a fan of the extra, extra rare. And why would he throw it away? That's even more ridiculous than not cooking the meat at all. But bad Toph! Question later – Kill now._ And with that happy thought, Toph resumed her quiet tirade. "I don't care what your excuse is, I am going to bury you so deep even badgermoles won't be able to dig you up!"

So, waiting until she was an appropriate distance away from the campsite, and Katara's sleeping form, Toph let loose with an impressive display of earthbending, launching boulders left, right, front and center all around the general area. And when she heard a subdued girly screech, (_she wasn't the only one who didn't want to get on Katara's bad side_) she rocketed away with all the speed a giant wave of dirt could provide.

Sure, she could have just felt the idiot out, but coming upon Sokka pinned down by the boulder on his cloak just oozing agitated frustation, Toph decided that this method of location was much more rewarding. Especially now that the condemned had seen the face of his adversary, and frustration flashed to outright terror. But terror was quickly replaced with unbridled fury.

"Toph, what the hell!" he practically barked, moving his arms in complicated gestures of annoyance, "Do you realize you could have killed me? Look at all the damage you've caused! It's gonna take forever to fix this. Couldn't you just look for me like any normal person?" His tirade complete, Sokka attempted to extract himself from the boulder. It would have worked a lot better if he'd just taken off the cloak, but apparently the cloak was too precious to part with for even a second. So after much jerking and cursing, the cloak was pulled free, with a satisfying _Rrrrriiiiipppp._

"Ah, and this was new! See what you made me do Toph? See!" _And the jerk had the audacity to stuff his cloak in my face, to ensure that I could 'see' the tear. Did I mention he's an idiot? No really, an idiot? Because he's honestly standing in front of me, waiting for me to acknowledge the sad state of his cloak. Like I know what his cloak looks like. Hello, blind!_

"Oh no Sokka, what an absolute tragedy! Horror of horrors! Please remove that travesty from my sight – I can't bare to stare at it for another second!" Toph replied in a mock falsetto tone.

And right on cue, Sokka sagely nodded his head and made to remove the poor piece of a once magnificent cloak from sight, all the while replying, "There, there Toph. At least you've seen the errors of your ways…" (_Signal the cueing of a candle over one Watertribe head_) "…Hey, wait a minute…" (_What can I say, it took a couple of tries for the candle to alight._) "Dammit Toph, why do I always fall for that line? I don't need your pity."

"Sure you don't, Wonderboy, keep telling yourself that. Perhaps one day you will actually believe it," Toph replied in her typical sarcastic fashion. Sokka let loose with a frustrated, low-pitched groan (_Remember: Katara_) and started to shake his head, which Toph secretly found absolutely adorable, but would never admit to owning the word 'adorable' in her vocabulary under pain of death, and could feel her anger attempting to dissipate.

_Oh no you don't, not that easily! There's still that meat to explain, and why he's out all alone in the middle of the freaking night. I need answers, and I need them now! _So with a renewal of unbridled fury, Toph glared at her 'adorable' adversary, and ensuring Sokka's full attention with a forceful jab to the ribs, graced the young warrior with a sickly-sweet smile. Sokka, if the jab hadn't informed him something was terribly, terribly wrong, started sweating like a Firebender was breathing down his neck when that smile came into play. Nothing good ever came of that smile. Nothing.

Feeling Sokka's erratic heartbeat through the soles of her feet, Toph inwardly smirked. _Oh, now that's more like it. Let the fun begin._ And so, sedately strolling up to one cornered wolf-tailed warrior, who was looking in every direction for a possible escape route, Toph spoke out casually, like this was merely a friendly conversation, "Care to tell me why you're out in the woods all alone in the middle of the night?"

With no exits in sight, and the world's most dangerous twelve-year-old gaining ground, a spark of genius struck Sokka. "Well technically I'm not alone in the woods. There's you, me, and Mr. Owlbat up in the trees over there, so I'm not by myself. Mr. Owlbat has been an absolutely marvelous conversationalist this evening, isn't that right Mr. Owlbat?"

(A lone hoot echoes through the woods.)

"Exactly my point, Mr. Owlbat, exactly my point. You and me and Toph make three, so there's no way I could be alone!"

_I can't believe he said all this with a straight face. What a ham! I have to give Snozzles credit; he does have imagination. But that still doesn't answer my question. And judging by the way his heart's still racing, there's something he doesn't want me to find out. Perhaps I need to resort to more forceful measures…_

Before Sokka could wonder whether Toph had bought his excuse or not, he found his frontal vision filled with the visage of one mighty Bei Fong. His heart, which had moderately slowed down, began to race with apprehension. Or was it anticipation? _The moonlight really brings out the color of her eyes. They especially sparkle when she's scheming_. _I wonder if she knows how beautiful they are? _But her eyes were the last things on his mind with her next question. "If you don't care to tell me why you're out here in the middle of the night, perhaps you'd like to enlighten me as to why I was struck with a piece of flying meat?"

_You know, I never knew a heart could fluctuate with so many emotions. Terror, anxiety, guilt, and…embarrassment? Tons and tons of embarrassment. Wow, I never knew a person could feel so embarrassed. What's he have to be embarrassed about?_ "Snoozles, your heart's racing faster than Twinkletoes on a sugar high. Could this have anything to do with that UFM, unidentified flying meat?"

_Heart rate has increased, if it was even possible. That's a yep. _And Toph didn't need sight to know that Sokka's face was anything but the picture of innocence. What with being able to read his heart rate, and overhearing from the others how Sokka's face could never tell a lie, it was easy to assume she had struck gold. Now to just find out the carat count…

But before Toph could continue her conversation, (cough interrogation cough) Sokka decided to make a break for it. Sweeping out with his leg, he attempted to knock down the impenetrable adversary (_interrogator? crush?_) standing in his way. Unfortunately for the wolf-tailed warrior, impenetrable means just that – impenetrable. Before his foot had any chance of laying a blow on dear Miss Toph, Sokka found his limbs encased in four mighty earth shackles. Chained to the ground in defeat, Sokka felt a shudder run down his spine as he achingly turned to his doom. And boy, did doom not look happy.

_That jerk was actually trying to attack me. Attack me! All right, no more miss nice Toph. He's spilling NOW._ Gone from Toph's face was a teasing smile. Gone from Toph's eyes was the gleam of mischief. In their stead was a façade of iron, unmoving and impenetrable. Sokka swallowed in nervousness as he tried to apologize. "You know Toph, I wasn't really going to hit you. I was just trying to take out this huge mosquito that landed on your leg. You see, it was huge and ugly and wanting to suck your blood and I couldn't let it suck your blood so I was going to take it out with my leg but I was only going to kill the mosquito and not actually hit you and please don't kill me, I'm too sarcastic to die!"

Iron Toph took in Sokka's ramblings, and only said these two words: "Spill. Now."

"Do I have to?" The earth shackles deliberately tightened around him. "Do I really, really have to?" The earth shackles grew spikes. "Ow! That really hurts!" Iron Toph's expression remains unchanged. But the vibes she emits vibrate with extreme vexation and murderous intent. Sokka knew this was a no-win situation. It was either fess up, or die by pointy death. But why did pointy death have to look so alluring? Especially considering the sheer magnitude of what he'd unveil if he told the truth. Could he trust her to keep her mouth shut? Well, it was do or die time. And he really was too sarcastic to die.

"Toph, what I tell you here and now does not go beyond the two of us. You have to promise me that you will not say a word to Katara or Aang or Zuko or Haru or Appa or Momo or Pipsqueak or the Duke or Teo or anyone with the least likelihood or repeating the words I am about to utter. For what I am about to tell you could change the course of the world as we know it. Do I have your word?"

Iron Toph's face remained unchanged, but she gave the slightest nod of her head.

Releasing a sigh, Sokka began.

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Approximately three minutes and forty-six seconds later…

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! All the surrounding critters in the nearby vicinity came alive in a mad dash to escape the ear-splitting laughter that was escaping from the mouth of one very amused Earthbender.

"How did I know you would react in this way? See, this is why I couldn't tell you all anything about this. I knew you wouldn't take me seriously." Sokka muttered under his breath, but Toph was too occupied with rolling around on the ground, cackling for all she was worth to pay attention to Sokka's complaints. On the plus side for Sokka though, Toph was too absorbed in her mirth to focus on her Earthbending to keep him pinned down, and he easily escaped his earthy snares.

Brushing off the dirt from his pants, Sokka went on with his litany. "You know, it's really not that funny. I'm sure other great minds have come up with the same idea, but have lacked the skills capable of achieving such aims. Who better to persevere in this endeavor than one Sokka of the Water Tribe?"

Toph, whose laughter had dimmed only a whit so that she could actually hear Sokka's drabbles, increased to cacophonous levels with this serious declaration. The amusement was so great that it brought tears to her eyes, and her ribs ached with pain. "Stop Snoozles, I'm dying over here! No more please, no more! My body can't take it!" Slowly, ever so agonizingly slowly in Sokka's opinion, Toph attempted to suppress her mirth. But it wasn't easy. Even clutching at her sides from the pain, chuckles kept emerging from her mouth.

After an interminable amount of time, Sokka asked, "Are you quite done yet?" To which Toph replied, "Let me check," and burst out into gushing guffaws once more.

Sokka started to tap his foot on the ground in a growing sign of agitation, while listening to Toph's cackling that was piercing enough to wake the dead. For some reason, this disturbed the warrior, like a great evil would befall him if the noise continued, but he couldn't for the life of him remember why. So, like any guy, he pushed it to the back of his mind, and waited for Toph to calm down.

Eight minutes later he was still waiting, and the scrawny Earthbender showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. He was just about ready to leave Toph to wallow in her glee when an irate scream rattled through the forests. The woodland creatures again burst forth like the devil was on their heels. And they weren't far off. With sudden clarity, Sokka recalled why loud noises were equivocal with doom. If Iron Toph had scared him, that was nothing in comparison to what was approaching their way, and at alarming speed if the icy terror flooding his veins was to be believed.

Grabbing her by the torso, Sokka lifted the still chuckling Toph onto his shoulders and ran as if his life depended on it. Which, as he unfortunately knew from experience, it did. He'd always been able to escape this terror before by running, but back then, there'd always been his father and a secret hiding hole. In the middle of the woods, no secret hideaway, and no adult figure around, he knew he was vastly outmatched.

It took Toph a little while to realize she was being carted along on Sokka's shoulders, and when she did, she was not amused, har har har. _What the hell am I doing on Snozzle's shoulders? Not that this isn't nice and everything, but when did I get up here? And why is he running like the Fire Lord is on his heels? What's going on?_ "Hey Snoozles, what the hell's going on? Why am I up on your shoulders, and why are you running?"

"No time to talk, gotta run," Sokka wheezed out in between panting breaths. "Have to escape."

"Escape?" Toph was truly puzzled. "Escape from what?"

"Katara."

Toph's face went white. She noticed the thundering crashing of bracken by birds and beasts behind them, desperate to escape the deadly swoosh gliding through the trees towards their location. "Run faster!"

"I'm trying!"

Sokka scrambled through the trees, hither and thither, dodging branches and rocks left and right. The icy blade of fury that was Katara kept getting closer and closer, nearly within sighting distance. Sokka knew he couldn't keep this pace up, but he had no intentions of dying just now, thank you very much. Surely there was some way to escape!

And it was at then that a low-lying root had to make its grand debut. For one single moment, time stopped for Sokka, and he could see all with perfect lucidity. The leaves on the trees, the damnable root, the dirt between Toph's toes, and a vision no one should ever have to witness even in their nightmares. The sight of Katara, hair flying out like serpent coils, ice daggers in hand, and berserker fury in her eyes raging towards him. All Sokka could think of was one word.

Shit.

And with that word, time resumed, and Sokka crashed to the ground, a terrified Toph landing a few yards ahead of him. He made a mad dash to his feet, and narrowly avoided a dagger right where his left hand had been.

"Sokka!" Katara's voice rang out like the bells of hell. "I'm going to kill you!"

_Why the hell did she have to inherit this trait of Mom's?_ Sokka thought while attempting to get to Toph and away from anything sharp, cold, and pointy. _Mom was never this bad!_ He was within a yard of Toph, almost within arm's reach, when she blasted off on a wave of earth away from him.

Sokka stopped, two ice daggers whizzing by his left ear, staring at the fast-moving dirt mound. _She left me. She friggin left me._ Glancing behind him, he spied Katara with six ice daggers at the ready. Her mouth stretched into a murderous grin. With an abrupt turn, Sokka sprinted after the fleeing Toph. "Toph! Save me! Take me with you!"

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"You're lucky I took pity on you and came back to save your worthless hide."

"I know, I know, and you have no idea how thankful I am. But why the hell did you leave me? I could have been killed! Killed!"

"I thought you might want to practice your meatbending."

"Well, thanks to your boulder storm, I not only lost a fashionable cloak, but all of my meaty minions. Do you have any idea how much time and meat it takes to make a meaty minion? Do you? How am I supposed to build an army of meaty minions to defeat the Fire Nation if you bury them all under rock?"

…

"Meaty minions?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Hopefully this didn't disappoint. - And trademark on the meatbending and meaty minions ideas! -


End file.
